So, this is my little confession. I have created an idol, and I worship it every day. It consumes many of my thoughts and determines even more of my behavior. This idol is the “Ideal Me”. I have grown to love this unattainable version of me because failing to meet my personal expectations only fuels how I already feel about myself. I have recently learned that fear is not an idol, it is what binds you to it. My fear of failure, of not being “good enough” has bound me to this ideal (and unrealistic) version of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I believe God is certainly in the business of changing people, and I am open to this change. However, I focus more on this person I have always wanted to be than on the person God is forming me into. So, what does “Ideal Kim” look like, act like and do? Let me tell you:
She wakes up early, spends a great deal of time in prayer and Scripture reading.
She irons her families clothing for the day, laying it on the end of each bed.
She then makes breakfast for her family. (without ever burning the biscuits)
She packs perfect (healthy) lunches and leaves notes in each one.
She kisses her children and husband as they head out the door. At which point she is instantly filled with enough energy to throw in a load of laundry while she is taking her daily 30 minute run.
When she arrives home she showers and prepares for the day, always having her hair done and her make-up on!
She goes about her day perfectly multi-tasking between washing laundry, dusting, cleaning, preparing dinner, and running errands. Don’t forget couponing…because “Ideal Kim” saves money. (All while praying without ceasing)
She begins dinner for her family and has it ready on the table when her husband walks in the door. The children are no longer starving because she has baked homemade cookies (which fill the house with the perfect aroma) and given them milk as an after school snack.
She sits around the table with her family and after her perfect husband offers prayer for dinner she engages each person in conversation.
After dinner, we will spend quality time together as a family watching TV, playing games, and exercising.
She will approach her computer to do the days homework and finish quickly, making perfect grades, and having a perfect understanding in how to apply everything she is learning.
She will open the mail, pay the bills, and close down her computer right about the time the news is coming on.
She will sit with her husband on the couch and watch the news to become perfectly informed of the days events, because “Ideal Kim” knows about current events and politics.
Before turning in for the night she will shower, shave her legs (always), wash her face, brush her teeth, lotion her feet and legs, and then crawl into a perfectly made bed.
She will always kiss her husband goodnight, says her final prayers and then falls asleep quickly.
I am thankful for a God who loves me and my special form of crazy! I love this song by John Rueben, and wanted to share the lyrics with you. If only I could really let this sink in today!
All I have – John Rueben
Are you disappointed?
Is this world a letdown
With your head in the clouds it’s time to get down
Head on collision crushed by dreams
So we leave our hearts at the accident scene shattered pieces scattered
Who told us it was okay to allow our thoughts to be flattered
And entertained with ideas that can’t sustain
And our future once so confidently proclaimed
So where do you go from here when it all disappears
Apathy dries your tears until you don’t care or you live and die
Occupied with disclaimers and reasons as to why realize life isn’t lived in fantasies
No matter how much planning or strategy
Joy comes along with tragedy I own them all gladly
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/john_reuben/all_i_have.html ]
(chorus)
I’m alright I’m okay
I kind of like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live
I’m alright I’m okay
I kind of like doing things this way
All I have it what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live
We’re not taught trial and error
We’re not taught nor are we prepared
So we fail against everyday opponents
All the while we’re still living for glorious moments
And the media feeds the youth a false reality of what it takes to make yourself happy
And since they’ve got about a one in a billion shot
Why try and make them think it’s something that it’s not
No this ain’t a movie this is real life
The spot light don’t shine quite as bright as some might like
But that’s alright cuz the starlight at night is more of a highlight than the highlife
The air I consume from the breath of creation renews my soul everyday I awake
Ah man tell me who knew that simply being content was the dream come true
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